I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
