I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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