I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
