Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
