my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
