i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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