Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
