Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
