this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
