took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize