Just cropdusted the office
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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