fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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