Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize