Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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