Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
