Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize