You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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