dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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