So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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