Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
