Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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