im drinking this country out of the recession.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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