mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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