I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
