Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
