hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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