i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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