so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
