apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
