Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
