he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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