New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Two words: nipple clamps
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