you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
