Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
