3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
