Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
