I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
