you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
