dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
