Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
