is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
