i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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