i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
