i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
