I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
