Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
