she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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