well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
