i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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