He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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