Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
