How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
