a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize