I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
