so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
