that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
