3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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