I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
