Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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