i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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