even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
