I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
