I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
