Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
