dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
