the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
