My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
