so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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