This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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