i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
