So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
