New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this just has baby written all over it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
