You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
