you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
